FUNERAL SERVICE FOR SEONAI GORDON Woodvale Crematorium Friday 3rd July 2009 Celebrant – Philip Coleman Good afternoon everyone and welcome. We have come here today to celebrate the life and to mark the funeral of Seonai Joanne Gordon who died on 23rd June. She was 47 years old. My name is Philip Coleman and I’ve been asked to lead this service. As you can see, I’m not a vicar, I lead non-religious, humanist type services but I am also a Buddhist and I know that for many years Seonai had a great interest in Buddhism so Seonai’s mother Sheila and her friend Clare and Seonai’s ex-husband Lek and I have put together a service that hopefully will be more appropriate both for Seonai herself and meaningful for all of us here today. Now before we go any further I’ve been asked to say that after the service people will be getting together at the Thomas Kemp Pub in St George’s Rd in Kemptown. If you can come along to that please do. Everyone is very welcome. If you don’t know where that is then there will be some maps available after the service for you and I’m sure someone will help you with directions. Now getting together to commemorate someone’s life, to mark someone’s death is a good thing to do. It doesn’t matter what religion we are or whether we are religious at all. We seem to need to mark important events in our lives- births, marriages, and in this case a death. So sometimes this is a difficult thing to do, but a very natural and human thing to do. Anyone’s death affects all the people who knew them. And we need a way of acknowledging that, or acknowledging our sense of loss, our grief and we also need a time when we can look at their life as a whole, celebrate it and see how much of a difference they have made to our lives. So we have come here to mark the end of Seonai’s life. One of the basic tenants of Buddhism is that everything in this world changes. Everything has a beginning and an ending. That is the natural way of things. Nothing is permanent and lasting. Some of these changes we welcome, some we find very difficult to accept. But they happen anyway. We can’t alter this, even if sometimes we would really like to. Sometimes we really want things to stay same as they were. And according to Buddhism this clinging on to something that no longer exists, causes us to suffer. We can create more pain by doing this. So death is a natural part of life. A natural part of the process of change. And we have to start to let go. Now that doesn’t mean that we forget someone or stop appreciating them but we do have to let go of something. and a funeral can be one of the things to help with this process of letting go. It can help us take on board the changes that have happened. Seonai was important to each of us here in different and very special ways. As a daughter, as a mother, a sister, a wife, a cousin and of course as a friend. And today we have come here with our love and our care and our respect to say goodbye to her. When something ends it gives us a good chance to see things in a new perspective, to see the whole and not get lost in details. To get a bigger picture. It’s the same with someone’s life. When someone’s life ends, we have a chance to see them more clearly. Reassess things. Appreciate them more. Appreciate them even more. Take stock and look at how much they have given us over the years. What they have meant to us. What they still mean to us and will go on meaning to us. So we have come together to think about Seonai, to remind ourselves of her life and what she was like and how she affected us. To strengthen the memories we have of Seonai, so that those memories can live on. Along with our sadness at Seonai’s death there can also be things that can help if we bear them in mind at this time. We can remember the joys that Seonai had during her life. We can be glad that we knew her. For the things she gave us and the things she taught us. Now I didn’t know Seonai personally I spent some time last week talking to Sheila, and Clare about her and they have asked me to say a few words about Seonai. Now what I’m going to say won’t do Seonai justice of course, but maybe it will help jog our memories, remind us of what she went through over the years. Remind us of happy times we’ve spent with her. Seonai was born in Edinburgh on 23rd November 1961. Her parents were Sheila and William. She had one younger brother Calum. Seonai lived in Edinburgh until she was 14 when Sheila and the children moved out to Zimbabwe. Seonai went to school in Harare and started her nurse’s training there. At 17 she returned to Scotland. She worked as a nurse in Edinburgh and Glasgow for a while. She then moved to London and in the 80’s she worked in the Homeopathic Hospital but she decided that she’d had enough of nursing and so she started work as a researcher in Westminster Reference Library and for the Independent newspaper. In the mid 80’s she did a degree in Media Studies. She became interested in Buddhism and started going to the Thai Temple in Wimbledon where she became very involved and made many friends. This led her to move to Thailand. At one time she thought of becoming a Buddhist nun. Sheila was telling me that even as a child Seonai was interested in Asia. In Bangkok she worked for UNICEF and UNESCO and also was involved teaching English to monks and helped run inter-faith discussion groups about Buddhism in Wat Mahathat. It was at this time that she met Lek. They were later married and when Seonai fell pregnant they came back to England, to London and that was where Ziyo was born. She adored Ziyo. She was devoted to him. He was such an important part of Seonai’s life. She called him her beautiful boy and was immensely proud of him. She later moved back up to Glasgow. She worked doing research for Oxfam and some copy-writing for the Herald. In 2001 she moved down to Brighton working on the Argus and also doing some free-lance work. And I was told that she really enjoyed her time working at the Argus. In 2002 she moved to Spain to Estepona for a year and then she was back in Thailand until 2007, working in Phuket for Phuket Magazine as a journalist, editor as well as writing articles about her experiences in Thailand. She moved to the island of Kok Yao Noi and then when she became seriously ill again she came back to Brighton. Seonai had the terrible misfortune to have contracted TB twice. Seonai had always been passionate about helping people, being involved in changing the world and the TB didn’t change that in any way. She was actively involved in trying to raise awareness of the disease, writing her blog, giving interviews, speaking at conferences, even appearing on the television. When she was in a wheel chair she helped the Federation of Disabled People in Brighton and Hove, checking up on wheel-chair access and helping with their web-site. She was quite an amazing woman. Her mother told me that when she was young she told her that she was going to be different. And she certainly was. She was kind and compassionate. Non-judgemental and accepting. A true friend to many people. She wasn’t materialistic in any way but valued more what can’t be seen or touched. She was fascinated by the world around her, always interested in people and how they lived their lives. She was extremely sociable and touched many people with her positivity. She was colourful, vivacious. She brought so many people together and she loved a good party. And when you get down to the pub after the service that’s what there’ll be. A good party. The music we heard as we were coming in earlier was called ‘As If You’ve Never Been Away’ and now we will stop and listen to some more music and this time it’s a piece called ‘Rain’ We will now have a few moments in which everyone can be with their own thoughts and memories of Seonai. Some of you may wish to remember Seonai in prayer, others may simply wish to bring her to mind in their own way. Silence So thank you Seonai Thank you for the all the good times, for all the memories Thank you for your compassion, your openness, your kindness Thank you for bringing so many people together Thank you for your great interest in people, in life Thank you for your sense of fun Thank you for your friendship Thank you Seonai for all your love and care. So today we mourn Seonai’s death. Buddhists would traditionally believe that something of Seonai continues, something is reborn. Not Seonai as she was before, but something of her. And that any good deeds she did during her life will have a positive effect on her rebirth. Any deeds that spring from generosity, love, concern for others will help her on his way. And from what people have said, there have been a great many of those positive deeds. But as well as this there is much of Seonai that also remains with us now. Her influence has not ended with her physical death her warmth, her humour, and her love and her values were shared and passed on, and they have become a living part of the people who were close to her. Each of you carries something important of her with you into the future. Maybe this is a good time to reflect on how much we all influence each other. That is also a basic tenant of Buddhism. We are all connected. Seonai’s life has touched many people. How she was, how she acted, what she said, have all left their mark on all of us here and on the world. Let’s bear this in mind. How we act can make life better for ourselves and others. Just as Seonai has made a difference to each of us here today, so we too can make a difference. We can help make things better. Now as we come towards the end of our service I’m going to read a short passage from a very old Buddhist scripture. It’s called the Metta Sutta and is really a guide to how live well. THIS is what should be done By those who are skilled in goodness, And who know the path of peace: Let them be able and upright, Straightforward and gentle in speech. Humble and not conceited, Contented and easily satisfied. Unburdened with duties and frugal in their ways. Peaceful and calm, and wise and skilful, Not proud and demanding in nature. Let them not do the slightest thing That the wise would later reprove. Wishing: in gladness and in safety, May all beings be at ease. Whatever living beings there may be; Whether they are weak or strong, omitting none, The great or the mighty, medium, short or small, The seen and the unseen, Those living near and far away, Those born and to-be-born May all beings be at ease Let none deceive another, Or despise any being in any state. Let none through anger or ill-will wish harm upon another. Even as a mother protects with her life Her child, her only child, So with a boundless heart Should one cherish all living beings; Radiating kindness over the entire world: Spreading upward to the skies, And downward to the depths; Outward and unbounded, Freed from hatred and ill-will. Whether standing or walking, seated or lying down, Free from drowsiness, One should sustain this recollection. This is said to be the sublime abiding. And now to end this service with the monks chanting some of the Thai funeral rites and I see that some of you have flowers and during the chanting and on their way out some people are going to come up and place their flowers on the coffin as a way of saying goodbye, as a final gift to Seonai. If you would like to do this then please do so. If you would prefer to take you flower home as a memento, then of course you’re very welcome to do that as well. So all that remains now is to thank you all on behalf of Seonai and her family for coming here today and I wish you all well.